So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
