What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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