this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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