it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Send help, water and tortillas.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
