Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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