I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
