Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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