I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
