ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
