there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i've created a new STD.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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