I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
