There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
