When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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