Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize