when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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