jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to make out with him forever
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
