I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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