I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
