I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
