so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
