Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
