I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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