there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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