Soap is not a condiment
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
