Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
