How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
