I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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