I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
