On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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