Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
