This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This baby is an asshole
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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