I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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