whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
