It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
