don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
