Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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