I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
