Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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