Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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