i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
