That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize