found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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