Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
