In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
