my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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