why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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