her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
