at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
