just come out here and I will go home with you...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My pussy is not your playground.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
