If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
