He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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