maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
