i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
