I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
