I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
