morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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