i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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