We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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