I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
