if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
