so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
