woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
