I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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