I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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