She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
