I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
