Sry I called you an 8
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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