this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
