So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
