lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
