Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
