Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
