I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
