idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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