It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I believe in your delicious
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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