She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
