What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
