Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
