I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
