Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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