wat bout pragnant strippers??
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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