Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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