I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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