what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
