How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
