paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
